I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
