she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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