thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
there's paper in my vomit.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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