I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
