I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
