He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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