so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
