she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Success! We fucked roommates!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
