I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
