Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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