I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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