no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
