I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
