I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
