I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
