my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is wine microwaveable?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
