I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
