I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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