He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
