Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wear drunk well.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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