After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
