don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
no you cant smoke seaweed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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