My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
