You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
