So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
