Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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