Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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