it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
