Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
