you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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