Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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