That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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