Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
