Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
