the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
