i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
