Pants 0. Shit 1.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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