Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
