you would pick up someone in the library
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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