I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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