I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
