so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
handjob tips. give me some.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We are all done wearing pants today
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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