We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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