Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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