First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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