My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
