Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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