my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
