Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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