We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
