he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
