both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
