Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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