Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm lost and stupid without you.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
