Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
