Already got asked if we're dating
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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