I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She bit a glass in half.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
