just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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