Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
