I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
